So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
