He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
