I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
