So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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