Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
