Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
