Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
