she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
