Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
