i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize