it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize