Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
