I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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