whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
