no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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