I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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