the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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