I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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