sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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