Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
