I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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