dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
