I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
