If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
