i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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