I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
