I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
