I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
