Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
These tits shall not be calmed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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