My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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