Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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