He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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