barbara walters just said penis...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
