So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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