Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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