I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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