The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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