I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
