I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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