Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
