i will never coherently bang her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize