low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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