If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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