ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
