Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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