It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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