Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
