I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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