So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
