sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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