i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
