Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
