Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
