Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
