Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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