Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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