at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize