I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
