I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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