I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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