Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
