Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
