and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
