I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
