so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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