the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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