Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
