xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Text me some of your sweat
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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