just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
